Show Not Tell

This week my writing goal was, Use “show not tell” when appropriate. We had to fix sentences to make them more interesting then for our create we had an image and had to write a paragraph discibing the setting.
What have you liked about being back at school
This is my work

The long  thick grass soaked my tousers as I fought my way through. My teeth clenched as I felt the fresh sea breeze run down my spine. My stiff blue hands pried the old rusty door open, when I stepped inside all the memories flashed though my mind. Through a crack in the metal roof I could see the moss and flax peeking though. I wandered down the hall into the room where the wooden bedframe and ripped sheets sat. The curitans blew and the window banged as the rain poured down.